Friday, June 17, 2016

Bastille and How Music Saved Me.

So today my favorite band released their newest single from what will be their newest album. It's called "Good Grief" by Bastille and it is pretty dang good if you have not heard it.

Anyway it kind of inspired me to kind of come clean with some of my struggles and how happy I am that Bastille is even a thing and how they have affected my life in a positive way. So a little background to Bastille, at least the connection between me and Bastille. I first heard their song "Haunt" way back in 2013, and my brother and sister and I quickly fell in love with their music. I have to say though that I think I was the most excited about their music. Through the next year, I would frequently search for Bastille's music on the Internet only to find out that their music is only available in Europe and that it had not even been released in the US. That disappointed me to a point that I was looking for ways to download their music because I just wanted to hear more and more of this bands music. Luckily in 2014, they finally came to the US and released their music in the states, which their first two tours quickly sold out and their album sold like crazy. After many failed attempts at getting tickets to shows in nearby cities, I learned that they would be coming to a venue downtown her in Indianapolis. I was working while the ticket sales started and when I visited the sales website about an hour after they were released, I found that they had already sold out. Long story short, I ended up finding tickets for about double the face value. So instead of getting two tickets for around 50 bucks, I only got one. I had never really gone to a concert let alone by myself, so I really didn't know what to expect, but I had no idea how much that day would change my life.

In fact, I would have never known how much Bastille's music would affect my life but I can say I honestly do not know if I would be where I am, if at all without them. Some of you may know about my struggles with anxiety and depression, but for those who don't, I have gone back and forth between seeing a counselor for many years since my dad and grandfather passed away. That coupled with growing social anxiety at the beginning of high school led to me joining one group that seemed to be the best place for me to hide. Theater. In theater I was always surrounded by characters and people playing characters that I soon had my name become a character in school with me being me outside of school. I was known by all of my friends as "Tinks", I very rarely was "Alex" except with my teachers and at home. Tinks was always a happy guy, trying his best to get along with everyone in the theater company along with slowly becoming an experienced actor. All while Alex spent time at home doing what I could to avoid the anxiety of homework. I quickly became fond of music and it's way of keeping me calm and it made it easier to focus and get over my anxiety. Bastille became my escape, I would put my headphones on and listen to their music nonstop over and over to relax. I eventually found more music that was able to do the same for my anxiety but none were quite as effective as Bastille. Multiple times throughout high school and my few college semesters, I had times of high anxiety and times where I did not know what I was going to do or how I would get through a situation. Bastille is one of the reasons I made it to where I am. This may sound a bit ridiculous but to me it is how I survived the high points of anxiety and my symptoms of depression. And as a reminder of this, I have the logo, a very simple triangle, tattooed onto my chest over my heart. A constant reminder of how much I have overcome and how I am capable of continuing on.

The day of the concert, I got dressed and walked to the venue a whole 4 hours early. For four hours before that concert I stood in line by myself, slowly moving forward as the line swept around the corner and about a quarter of a mile down the road. The moment those doors opened, I did everything I could to get as close to the stage as possible. I don't even remember parts of the concert because of how blissfully happy I was to be there. To this day when I think and talk about the concert I get chills and lack words to describe just how incredible it was. For days after, I was still beaming from the concert. But because of that day, I now work for a company that has taken care of me (not without frustrations at times), I have met so many people and I have a family of customers and friends that I get to see on a daily basis that care about me. I had the opportunity to meet the most beautiful girl in the world and now am as happy as I have been in a while.

I know that is a bit of a stretch to all come from me listening to a song way back in 2013, but that is how my life has gone.
 I know 3 things to be a constant always.
    1. My God is Good, ALL THE TIME.
    2. My Dad is up in Heaven watching out for me.
    3. Bastille is the best way to keep me calm and is the reason I am where I am today.

If you have made it this far, I really appreciate you reading this blog. It has been overwhelming the amount of people who have read my posts and I thank you all so much.

I'm going to plug my GoFund me for my book again just because every little bit helps, It supports me to get a computer and continue writing and doing the stuff I love including going back to school (Hopefully this fall!!) but I do need a computer to take classes. The link for that is GoFund.Me/TinkBook . Even if you just look and read the description I would appreciate it. I am currently working on putting all of my hand-written pages onto a word document and HOPEFULLY will be posting a short excerpt from it soon!

Again thank you all so much and DFTBA

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Life Update

Oh Hey!... So it's been a while since my last post..

So much has changed both good and bad but I could not be happier at this point. Which is a complete 360 from where I was last year.

A quick breakdown though of the events of the past year.

In addition to still working for Starbucks I have also worked for a pizza place, Chilis as a server and I now work for a restaurant in downtown Indianapolis called Harry and Izzy's which if you haven't heard of it. It's the sister restaurant of St. Elmo's Steakhouse, the oldest steakhouse in the state of Indiana. It's a top restaurant in Indy and boy is it good stuff.

I have also had the wonderful oppurtunity to grow a relationship that makes me very happy. Her name is Molly and she is something special, (yes I am going to gush for a minute about how happy I am shush). Never before have I been in a situation where not only do I feel genuinely loved by someone, and that someone is not a family member. Today I can say in confidence that I have spent the last six months falling for a girl that I could never have imagined existed before last August. Although the start was a bit rocky and very confusing, every moment since has been full of ups and downs, tears of joy and of saddness, but one constant through it all has been Molly being by my side. These past six months have gone by in a heartbeat and yet feels like so much longer than that. I am so very excited for what the future holds for the both of us.

Now to the not so good stuff.

This past January, I lost someone very important to me and so many people not just my family. My Aunt, Michele Tyler, passed away suddenly after a short hospital stay. Words cannot describe how incredible my aunt was and how she touched so many lives in her many years of teaching. She was such an influence for me and my siblings and she is the reason why I am as far as I am with my book (I will get to that in a minute). That night was one especially tough on me, as soon as I heard how serious the situation was I left work and drove up from Indy to Chicago to be with my family, I try not to remember much from that night. I do remember that I was on the phone with Molly the entire 3-plus hour drive from Indianapolis to the hospital near downtown Chicago.

Many times in my life have I questioned God's decisions to take away ones we love so young in their lives. I did with a friend in 3rd grade, I did with my dad not long after. The answer always comes within the week at the services and how many people come to celebrate their lives. Jordan although he was only 9 when he passed, had people from our entire community come to pay their respects. I can say personally that I try to use him as an example on how to live even to this day. My dad passed away after a battle with cancer and shortly after he passed at his wake, there was a line out the door for the entire time of the showing. So many people had met my dad and the whole day was just so overwhelming to see how many people came. My aunt though probably takes the cake (no offense Dad), so many of her students from over the years showed up, and I found out that this past May the school corporation now has an award in her name, which is incredible and a showing of how influrential she was. After stuff like that, you understand some extent of God's plan for taking them home. That does not however lessen the initial hurt of losing them.

So that in a nutshell is kind of what's gone on in the last year or so. I will try and start posting on a regular basis again because I really miss writing these posts.

OH and I did mention my book. I should probably talk about that for a minute. ........

Well I have been writing a book since this past November and I have really tried to balance writing and work and everything else going on. A basic synopsis of the book as it is right now would be: An introspective look at life and a retrospective look at death and the idea of how ones final day goes. you know that whole "Life flashing before their eyes" kind of deal, Which is why (at least so far) I am naming the project "Before My Eyes".

I also have a GoFundMe for anyone who would like to help me fund the project and such. The Link would be GoFund.Me/TinkBook I have a bigger description of what the book is and everything on there.

Alright guys I will have an update later on this week for a normal post!