Skip to main content

Frustrations

So this week has been full of frustrations and really I can't think of any good way of getting all of that out than to write about it...


I haven't written on this blog since December and my has the time flown by. It doesn't seem like almost 6 months since my last post but more or less it has been. My life has really just been idling in circles since then, I still love my job (even through Frap Happy Hour.....). Even though I probably complain about my job or the people I work with or really anything else about the store is simply because I want the store to be the best store in the country. I know that may or may not be fully achievable but its definitely worth the effort.
One definitive frustration has to be the fact that while I sit here in my store on my day off writing this post. All of my friends are studying for/finishing finals on the year. I don't really like not taking classes because I feel like I am just behind. Behind other people on where I want to go, where I want to end up in life. It's tough. I know that it wasn't fully necessary to go to college straight off. But if I would have taken a year off to really mentally prepare for school I feel like I would have been better off. I have been putting off what I want to do and where I want to go for a couple of months now, simply because I am honestly paralyzed from fear of not being able to do what I want. Whether that be because of money or some other reason is beyond me, but I always feel like I am behind the ball on everything when it comes to moving up and moving on.
I guess another aspect of the first frustration is the lack of inspiration to write. I don't know how many of you (the like 3 people who will read this) know how much I enjoy writing but I REALLY DO. It is just incredibly frustrating not being able to write because its a huge stress relief for me. Now I have been trying to develop a story for the past couple of months but nothing has really gotten onto paper out of it all. That's why I am really hoping to be able to break through when I go on my road trip in June, a trip I have been planning since July of last year... Anyway, not being able to really sit down and write out what's in/on my mind has made for a really tough couple of months for me.
Personally 2015 hasn't been a great year to me, among other things I feel like I am still battling with being happy. Believe me when I say that I am content with my life right now, but honestly there is so much to be desired right now. Once again the idling is what's getting me, cause even though I have gone on a few dates, nothing of note has really come out of it. Only one case was really a potential end to it all but disrespect and pain is all that really came out of it. I know I am still young and I have plenty of time to find someone, its just the fact that my experience since leaving home has really been more of a lesson that I am 'too nice', or I dont give off a 'boyfriend vibe' among other things. I really shouldn't be worrying about it, but it's hard when I really feel like I am surrounded by friends and family who are not just content with their lives, but genuinely happy about them. I probably bug my mom and a few of my coworkers who I trust about all of this way too much, but its just something that has been on my mind as of late. I am probably asking for too much and I have to really make an effort over the summer to really do what I can to kind of hit the reset button and re-focus my priorities. That's really what I should have been doing since December, but I guess its kind of obvious I havent.. The only really effort I have made to re-prioritize is the fact that I have been cooking more often than before which was something that I want to be doing on a regular basis rather than a couple nights a week.
I hope to get back to regularly writing here again, and maybe finally editing the post I wrote at the end of december... Gotta get out and go to Hooters with Erny to celebrate the (almost) end of the year.


Also after re-reading this post before posting it.... I really need to stop complaining so much. I feel like half my posts on here are me complaining about stupid stuff... Well if you read this far then I promise I will make the next few more positive posts!!!! Bear with me for a little.



DFTBA




Comments

Popular posts from this blog

New Year, New Me. 2018 Edition

So a lot of the crap that happened in 2017 made me really take a step back and reevaluate my life and where I want to be when I turn 24 later this year. Most of what I want to change has to do with my health, both mental/emotional health and physical health. I want to be able to wake up and not be tired, I want to have a regular schedule and not fall from that. I want to be fit and healthy for probably the first time in my life and I want to be able to not rely on others for happiness or as way to avoid boredom. I want to focus on my writing, my work, and my future without distractions and finally get into habits that are healthy and positive. So this blog, in addition to my social media accounts will be my record, motivation and encouragement for this.

So to start off the year, I am starting simple and working from there. These first few days have been focused on planning and executing the basics, like waking up early and removing distractions. This begins with any social media/commu…

Life Update (No. 2)

So this week has been a difficult one, and for that matter the past month hasn't been that much of a cake walk either. So I feel like there is point of making sure that I update those who are "out of the loop" so to speak on the situation to avoid as much awkward conversations in the near and distant future.

First I will start with the positives, it will be much shorter than the negatives but oh well. So after a year, I am finally moving up in the world from a part time position to a full time position at my job, it's a bit of shuffling however its been a lot of work and some would say deserved. For those who don't know, I have been pretty much working two jobs at a time for about the last 3 years give or take. So starting with this upcoming week I will be officially working one job! Only one!! (Until I need to pick up something else to help with bills probably?) I will be done working at restaurants for the time being, which is bittersweet because I have really …

Update 2018

So 2018 has been a struggle so far. Trying to go from being in a solid (or a least I thought it was solid) relationship to nothing has taken a toll. I can't even hold a conversation with someone I feel attracted to without feeling some sort of remorse for past mistakes or even flashbacks of similar events to what happened back in July and August. So all of this has made for excellent motivation to start working on a new project and jump starting getting fit prior to my move to Tennessee (pending possible changes with work). It has been a tough experience but it has only strengthened my thoughts toward where I want to direct the rest of my life. Fears from previous experiences and dark thoughts in my head had plagued me and my life for years, and now I am finally translating that frustration into positives. Recent successes have only but confirmed this feeling, whereas I have already shed a few pounds (that feels weird to say...) and I have gotten back to doing legitimate research …