Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Frustrations

So this week has been full of frustrations and really I can't think of any good way of getting all of that out than to write about it...


I haven't written on this blog since December and my has the time flown by. It doesn't seem like almost 6 months since my last post but more or less it has been. My life has really just been idling in circles since then, I still love my job (even through Frap Happy Hour.....). Even though I probably complain about my job or the people I work with or really anything else about the store is simply because I want the store to be the best store in the country. I know that may or may not be fully achievable but its definitely worth the effort.
One definitive frustration has to be the fact that while I sit here in my store on my day off writing this post. All of my friends are studying for/finishing finals on the year. I don't really like not taking classes because I feel like I am just behind. Behind other people on where I want to go, where I want to end up in life. It's tough. I know that it wasn't fully necessary to go to college straight off. But if I would have taken a year off to really mentally prepare for school I feel like I would have been better off. I have been putting off what I want to do and where I want to go for a couple of months now, simply because I am honestly paralyzed from fear of not being able to do what I want. Whether that be because of money or some other reason is beyond me, but I always feel like I am behind the ball on everything when it comes to moving up and moving on.
I guess another aspect of the first frustration is the lack of inspiration to write. I don't know how many of you (the like 3 people who will read this) know how much I enjoy writing but I REALLY DO. It is just incredibly frustrating not being able to write because its a huge stress relief for me. Now I have been trying to develop a story for the past couple of months but nothing has really gotten onto paper out of it all. That's why I am really hoping to be able to break through when I go on my road trip in June, a trip I have been planning since July of last year... Anyway, not being able to really sit down and write out what's in/on my mind has made for a really tough couple of months for me.
Personally 2015 hasn't been a great year to me, among other things I feel like I am still battling with being happy. Believe me when I say that I am content with my life right now, but honestly there is so much to be desired right now. Once again the idling is what's getting me, cause even though I have gone on a few dates, nothing of note has really come out of it. Only one case was really a potential end to it all but disrespect and pain is all that really came out of it. I know I am still young and I have plenty of time to find someone, its just the fact that my experience since leaving home has really been more of a lesson that I am 'too nice', or I dont give off a 'boyfriend vibe' among other things. I really shouldn't be worrying about it, but it's hard when I really feel like I am surrounded by friends and family who are not just content with their lives, but genuinely happy about them. I probably bug my mom and a few of my coworkers who I trust about all of this way too much, but its just something that has been on my mind as of late. I am probably asking for too much and I have to really make an effort over the summer to really do what I can to kind of hit the reset button and re-focus my priorities. That's really what I should have been doing since December, but I guess its kind of obvious I havent.. The only really effort I have made to re-prioritize is the fact that I have been cooking more often than before which was something that I want to be doing on a regular basis rather than a couple nights a week.
I hope to get back to regularly writing here again, and maybe finally editing the post I wrote at the end of december... Gotta get out and go to Hooters with Erny to celebrate the (almost) end of the year.


Also after re-reading this post before posting it.... I really need to stop complaining so much. I feel like half my posts on here are me complaining about stupid stuff... Well if you read this far then I promise I will make the next few more positive posts!!!! Bear with me for a little.



DFTBA