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Life has its challenges. Revised.

About 2 months ago, I started writing a blog post about how life has its challenges and how my life since March has changed drastically. In all honesty, my life has changed immensely since March of 2014. But when I really got down to thinking, my life has changed immensely since I moved out of my mother's house.

Sure that has been over a 13 months (wow thats a big number...) but it still has made me really think about why I am where I am.

When I first moved to Indianapolis, I was a pre-med major and had a girlfriend and a group of friends I was hanging out with every night. Since that first day, I have been in three relationships, I have had three jobs. I have lived in three (kinda four actually) different places. I have also changed from a Pre-Med major to a dual Education and English major. The only constant through it all has been the type of friends, not the friends themselves. In fact the only group of people I still even really talk to (that I am not forced to see i.e. co-workers) from the beginning of my life in Indy, are my fraternity brothers.

So this begs the question, What is wrong with me? Now many of you will definitely say WOAH hold on, just because you haven't been in the same place the whole time does not mean anything is wrong with you. And I will gladly explain the list of things I am not going through that really exemplifies why i ask this. I have come to the conclusion that out of everything, there are three things that are wrong with me in terms of explaining why my life has changed, or as many normal people would label them. Flaws.

First, I am sensitive. In some ways, overly sensitive. I have been told my entire life to not let things bug me so much. From the customers at work, to the bullies in schools, to even my fraternity brothers that sometimes like to throw words around like they have no real weight or consequence behind them. I however, do not see these things as being of little or no weight and that they do have enough behind them to hurt people. I have always be sensitive. Ask my family, ask my teachers from the private school I went to when I was younger. I have always been this way, and because of events in my life, it's not going to change.

Second, I always feel the need to be around people, or just talk to people. Once again, many would say this is not a problem at all. And I agree. The problem arises, when I am alone. Or when I am not able to be around people or talk to people. I overthink, I become anxious about random things. And worst of all I sleep. A Lot. In fact there was a time over the summer, where all i did for probably a week or two. Was go to work, sleep, wake up and go right back to work. It is a vicious cycle of laziness and loneliness.

Lastly, I have become less of a God-centered person. Now I have since my realization of this, made a conscious effort to change that, but I often find myself going back to number 2 over everything. I have not found a church in Indianapolis. I usually spend sundays working. A lot. And when I do have a sunday where I have free time, it is usually spent relaxing. I know my mom especially has always been on me for this (love you mom). And I myself have found myself not taking as much time to thank God for getting me through what I have gotten through in the past year. I now watch my church back home, who has an online webcast of their services when I can. I have been feeling better about my situation since this but i still have a lot of work to do before I am where I want to be.

I see these things as Flaws, ones that I have that may or may not be rectified. Two quotes however stand by me wherever I go and another has been with me for a long time.

The first is a bible verse from Philippians 4 verse 13, "I can do all things through him, who gives me strength."

The second, is a quote from the song "Flaws" by Bastille. 

"All of your flaws and all of my flaws,

When they have been exhumed
We'll see that we need them to be who we are
Without them we'd be doomed"


And Lastly, the quote that has been with me for more than 10 years, something my Dad used to say everyday from his diagnosis to the day of his passing. 

"God is Good, All the Time. And All the Time, God is Good."

Life may have its challenges. People have flaws. Learning to overcome the flaws and challenges that have been set before us is how we move forward. 

Thank you for reading this, I hope to be posting more in the weeks and months ahead. Smile at someone and make their day, and DFTBA. 

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