Friday, September 1, 2017

Life Update (No. 2)

So this week has been a difficult one, and for that matter the past month hasn't been that much of a cake walk either. So I feel like there is point of making sure that I update those who are "out of the loop" so to speak on the situation to avoid as much awkward conversations in the near and distant future.

First I will start with the positives, it will be much shorter than the negatives but oh well. So after a year, I am finally moving up in the world from a part time position to a full time position at my job, it's a bit of shuffling however its been a lot of work and some would say deserved. For those who don't know, I have been pretty much working two jobs at a time for about the last 3 years give or take. So starting with this upcoming week I will be officially working one job! Only one!! (Until I need to pick up something else to help with bills probably?) I will be done working at restaurants for the time being, which is bittersweet because I have really only done that for my entire working life. I will try and find a bar that I can help out with if anything... ANYWAY, I have also been starting to take minor courses on computer science and coding to try and develop a path to a career outside of restaurants. Its been a long time coming and I am very excited as to what my next step will be! Next on the (pseudo) positives, I will be looking to move to the Northside a little closer to where I will be working full time, my current commute is about 35+ mins both ways traffic permitting and would be a budget buster if I continue that.  It would also allow for more free time, more time working on my career and possibilities for the future. In addition to that I have finally started the long journey in tackling my debt from my short time at IUPUI in addition to the poor choices Ive made in the past. Special thanks to my family for supporting me and kicking me in the butt when I need it. Its been a long time coming and definitely something I needed to start working on much earlier, but my goal is to be officially debt free within the next 2-3 years which is a pretty lofty goal but within the realm of possibility.

Alright, so now for the not so positive notes... So after a year and a half, my relationship has ended. It was something that was equally at fault for both parties and we are working on figuring out situations and trying our best to be as civil as can be. Its been an interesting journey, and something that I do not regret outside of my personal failures within and outside of the relationship. I failed to balance my work life and personal life enough to allow for enough time and energy to be put into both. I will not go into anything outside of that and would prefer to not talk about it in person etc... Through trying times I have to be thankful for my family and friends, and all the many blessings I have been given over the years, and this is definitely a wake up call to not take those for granted. So through this I will work on myself and get better. Thats kind of why I'm writing this, to allow for me to get out what I want to say and kind of restart my writing and talk about the projects I've been working on.

So one project I have been working on is a story I have been calling "Before My Eyes", and its been getting to the development stages for a possible screenplay that I would try to produce and publish. I haven't really decided the medium outside of film (short film, series, or feature length) but it is something that I am dedicated on finishing due to it being a story I started to develop for my aunt, dad and grandfather, all of which passed away. The story as of now is a pivot from the typical "life flashing before your eyes" in your passing moments and instead looks at the possibility of the waning moments of life being a replay from the passenger seat on points of high emotion and importance in life. Going back through to finally get closure on events that from an individuals point of view might not have gotten that. Its been a concept I have been working on in some form since 2015 and it is starting to form into a fairly developed story. So for the coming months I will be putting a lot of effort into that and might not be doing as much outside of writing, which is good.

So I will finish up this post again with thankfulness for my family and friends who are there for me, and have believed in my writing. If we haven't talked in a bit or even for just a few days, feel free to contact me, any positive messages would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you for those who have read this far, I greatly appreciate the views and any comments! DFTBA!

P.S. I'm quickly writing and posting so I haven't proofread this unless the post has been updated to don't mind any weird thoughts or misspellings!

Monday, April 10, 2017

The Brew

From June of 2014 until this past September, my life was ruled by the brew, Coffee that is. Coffee ruled my life, night and day it got to the point where I quite literally needed coffee to be able to sleep.  Waking up was hard until I got coffee and the middle of the day was rough unless I had coffee. I loved it though, I always talked about my job to family and friends. I had customers that would come in daily and ask about my life, what I had been working on, how my family was. They had basically become a part of my family at times, and I loved every second of it. Now the money was not great, but I made it through. Sometimes I would need to sit tight until Tuesday when tips would be made available for gas or groceries, but I loved it. You can ask anyone that was around me for that period of time, small talk revolved around coffee.

So when I was given the opportunity to interview for a job that would completely change my life, I was skeptical. I was comfortable, not exactly where I wanted to be but I was comfortable. To completely remove the coffee aspect of my life was ludicrous at the time. I had spent a good three months of my life just learning more about the coffee I served every day. I was a vital part of peoples mornings and the store I was at seemed to not want to lessen its grip on me. But in August I took a leap of faith and put in my two weeks for a company I loved to join a company on a completely different medium, technology. At the same time, I was working at one of the most respected restaurants in Indianapolis and loving that as well. It had its ups and downs like everywhere else, but once again was not exactly where I wanted to be. I was an assistant to the servers rather than being a server myself, which was where I wanted to be. I constantly found myself being talked down to and felt like I was just there to be the pack mule for them rather than assisting much.

 So within the same week that I put in my two weeks at one job, I was also offered a job to move to a different restaurant but still have a brew be the focal point. In this form the brew was beer. For the last 7 months my life has been technology weekdays and beer on the weekends, I don't really have much free time but I love it just the same. I can use the same skillset I learned at a coffee company and translate that into my job at the brewery restaurant. The tastings for coffee at five in the morning have been changed to beer flights at eight at night, and once again I love it. I no longer have to wake up at 3:30 in the morning to get to work, I can "sleep in" all the way until 8 to get to work, which has to be the best feeling in the world. My situation has dramatically changed, but the one thing that has stayed the same, whenever I see anyone that has been a regular in my store before is still family to me even 7 months removed from their daily lives. I have seen a number of them in my new workplace and I still greet everyone the same. So if you are reading this and miss me from my previous workplaces, let me know! Come visit me, I will try and come visit you as well, you are all a part of my family and you can always come enjoy the brew in my new workplace (for those over 21).

Thanks for reading guys, I am going to try (like I say with every post.....) to write on here more often!

Monday, March 20, 2017

Not My President

SO... I know this will probably by really controversial in terms of posting this on social media. But oh well.

I did not vote for Donald Trump, nor have I ever thought very highly of a man that spends most of his time, on social media and on television, yelling and complaining about events and people around him. Throughout the campaign season, I was one of the many people that saw him as a very extreme and laughable candidate that would bring jokes for late night hosts and not much else. I sat next to my girlfriend with a straight face late into that November night when he won the election, in disbelief. Not because he won, but because someone in this day and age can say such inappropriate things so blatantly and publicly and still be considered someone trusted enough to be our nations leader. Things that I sure would never want to be spoken about anyone in my family, anyone I consider my friend, or any future children etc.... If anything that he has said, just in general was said in the direction of my sister, mom, girlfriend or anyone that I call my friend, I would not believe that person to be intelligent enough to handle the office of President of the United States. But that does not matter, because he won.

A few days into a Trump administration,  all of the headlines read more or less the same thing. Trump lies, forces a lie onto other people or he has issues with being told no. Now most people were given that description without a name or identifier would think that being the description of a small child or middle schooler. And yet, that is our president, that is who is in charge of signing bills into law, making a sound decision on our country's military and budget. If he can not handle accurate reports about people who came to see his inauguration then how can I trust him to make a decision to keep me and my family safe, healthy and treated fairly? I would never directly advocate for complaining about leaders (except congress because seriously people, they voted to get rid of their own ethics office...), but how can we take him seriously? The only thing I have ever agreed with him is on his slogan, not the way to accomplish it though. I do think America is not as great as it once was, with millions in debt from educational loans, and less than perfect test scores in comparison to other countries in the world. Our greatest strength is what makes the rest of the world afraid of us, spending as much as we do on our military and still refusing to allow universal healthcare or subsidized higher education?

None of this is new in the world, and actually its not new in the U.S. at least in terms of education. Education in the U.S. used to be free or subsidized, even private schools used to have grants that would make attending those schools fairly inexpensive. Over the last 100 years, cost for education has risen at a rate much higher than that of minimum wage. You have seen it before, the graph that shows education costs and minimum wage difference. But in real life, I attended 1 and a half years of school, I did not receive a degree, and I am over sixteen thousand dollars in debt. I have had conversations with people that are over sixty thousand in debt and do not have a degree. Now I do not now how much you make, but for me that is multiple years of salary.

After over fifty days of the Trump presidency, approval ratings are fairly low for a number of his policies, his overall approval rating being 37% as of this post (Gallup). Now if you were to ask the man himself, he is doing incredible, tremendous things in the short amount of time that he has been in office, although recent media attention would say otherwise. All of this brings me to the point of this post, that although I respect the office, I do not respect the man in the office. I was brought up to respectful of others and act like you would want to be treated. If we apply those principles to the man in office right now, I can honestly say that I cannot safely say that I can treat him the way I want to be treated because how he treats those around him is with disrespect and shame. To have a sitting president be less interested in the office than what his image is shows that he is not a man of religion. A man of idol possession and conceited mindset does not prove otherwise. He values his name in gold on a high-rise more than the true issues facing the country he represents.

I will end this post with a simple statement, to those who hold religion and what is right above all, you can not truly support a man that contradicts what you believe. His policy on banning populations from Muslim majority countries from entering our country, his policy of tweeting disrespectful things towards opponents and the media, and finally letting things like education and healthcare go to those who would rather give the best to the top than raise up the bottom just proves more and more each day how he is Not my president. The response to that is not to rise up and protest, but to be informed and contact your representative to make all voices heard.

Thank you to who read this post, feel free to comment! Obviously if you did not like this post, that's alright, you can comment too!

Thursday, January 19, 2017

My Writing.

So I have advertised myself as a writer for many years now. With nothing published and nothing really advancing in the writing world other than a dream. Yet I do not stop writing no matter what. I have tried to find an answer to the question of why I write, or why I still write even though I have not really advanced much. Well.... I honestly do not know. I can tell you one thing, even though I do not have a way to post online except a beaten up iPad and a Bluetooth keyboard I still do it. In fact right now I am siting in a chair on Georgia Street in Downtown Indy writing. It is one of the few places that I have to be completely myself and be calm with the world.

Last year I took a vacation by myself, I took the week off work with no plan except a general destination and I left town. I drove through the country down through Kentucky and Tennessee. I drove through the Great Smoky Mountains near Gatlinburg and I drove through South Carolina to Charleston. I spent a few days there and then went north to Virginia to visit a friend, and then I went home. I was gone for a grand total of about 8 days and it was probably the most relaxing 8 days I have had. It was just me and my car for a 2000 mile journey that ended sooner than expected. I spent the entire week not worrying about work, not worrying about what I would do, when I would wake up or who I would spend time with. All I did for entire week was drive and walk. I only took about 20 pictures from the entire trip because the trip was a vacation for me, for me to enjoy and only me.

One of my favorite moments was the last day I was in Charleston, I spent the day walking around downtown and walked all the way down King Street to the river. At the end of the road by the river is a memorial park for the civil war because of how close Fort Sumter is. I sat down on a bench facing the waterfront and spent 45 minutes just doing observational writing. Describing in detail everything around me. The color of the sky, water and grass. Creating background stories to the people buzzing around me. It was 45 minutes of pen to paper and it was exceptionally relaxing. It was also 95 degrees in the Carolina Sun so that was something else entirely. I also wrote about what I had seen on my walk down to the river and across the bridge from where I was staying.

After driving all the way back home, reflecting on this trip became just something I do to reference that I have done something adventurous with my life. Which in the months since writing the first half of this post, my life has changed so much that I have not really had the time to write. I no longer have an iPad or a keyboard to write on, I am borrowing my girlfriends laptop to even write the rest of this post here. I now have changed jobs so and apartments and do not have a good amount of time to put much thought into writing, let alone this blog. I have been intending to finish a story that I started November of 2015, but really have not had much time to put towards finishing. However I now work around a lot of talented people who find time to have youtube channels and gaming teams and other art based hobbies around work that I feel like I need to get back to writing. That is why I am still working on this blog post.

I am sorry that most of this is turning into a cloud of thoughts with no real direction, but that is what I get for starting this post in August and finishing it in January. I have made a decision to let 2017 be the year that I keep up on things that I have delayed in previous years. So this is the start. I will be posting on my blog weekly about things that are happening in my life, stuff that is on my mind in different events around the media, as well as keeping track of major life events, such as my goal to pay off my car this year. So with that, I will finish this post with what started at.

I have advertised myself as a writer for years, this year, is the year that that dream becomes a reality.

Friday, June 17, 2016

Bastille and How Music Saved Me.

So today my favorite band released their newest single from what will be their newest album. It's called "Good Grief" by Bastille and it is pretty dang good if you have not heard it.

Anyway it kind of inspired me to kind of come clean with some of my struggles and how happy I am that Bastille is even a thing and how they have affected my life in a positive way. So a little background to Bastille, at least the connection between me and Bastille. I first heard their song "Haunt" way back in 2013, and my brother and sister and I quickly fell in love with their music. I have to say though that I think I was the most excited about their music. Through the next year, I would frequently search for Bastille's music on the Internet only to find out that their music is only available in Europe and that it had not even been released in the US. That disappointed me to a point that I was looking for ways to download their music because I just wanted to hear more and more of this bands music. Luckily in 2014, they finally came to the US and released their music in the states, which their first two tours quickly sold out and their album sold like crazy. After many failed attempts at getting tickets to shows in nearby cities, I learned that they would be coming to a venue downtown her in Indianapolis. I was working while the ticket sales started and when I visited the sales website about an hour after they were released, I found that they had already sold out. Long story short, I ended up finding tickets for about double the face value. So instead of getting two tickets for around 50 bucks, I only got one. I had never really gone to a concert let alone by myself, so I really didn't know what to expect, but I had no idea how much that day would change my life.

In fact, I would have never known how much Bastille's music would affect my life but I can say I honestly do not know if I would be where I am, if at all without them. Some of you may know about my struggles with anxiety and depression, but for those who don't, I have gone back and forth between seeing a counselor for many years since my dad and grandfather passed away. That coupled with growing social anxiety at the beginning of high school led to me joining one group that seemed to be the best place for me to hide. Theater. In theater I was always surrounded by characters and people playing characters that I soon had my name become a character in school with me being me outside of school. I was known by all of my friends as "Tinks", I very rarely was "Alex" except with my teachers and at home. Tinks was always a happy guy, trying his best to get along with everyone in the theater company along with slowly becoming an experienced actor. All while Alex spent time at home doing what I could to avoid the anxiety of homework. I quickly became fond of music and it's way of keeping me calm and it made it easier to focus and get over my anxiety. Bastille became my escape, I would put my headphones on and listen to their music nonstop over and over to relax. I eventually found more music that was able to do the same for my anxiety but none were quite as effective as Bastille. Multiple times throughout high school and my few college semesters, I had times of high anxiety and times where I did not know what I was going to do or how I would get through a situation. Bastille is one of the reasons I made it to where I am. This may sound a bit ridiculous but to me it is how I survived the high points of anxiety and my symptoms of depression. And as a reminder of this, I have the logo, a very simple triangle, tattooed onto my chest over my heart. A constant reminder of how much I have overcome and how I am capable of continuing on.

The day of the concert, I got dressed and walked to the venue a whole 4 hours early. For four hours before that concert I stood in line by myself, slowly moving forward as the line swept around the corner and about a quarter of a mile down the road. The moment those doors opened, I did everything I could to get as close to the stage as possible. I don't even remember parts of the concert because of how blissfully happy I was to be there. To this day when I think and talk about the concert I get chills and lack words to describe just how incredible it was. For days after, I was still beaming from the concert. But because of that day, I now work for a company that has taken care of me (not without frustrations at times), I have met so many people and I have a family of customers and friends that I get to see on a daily basis that care about me. I had the opportunity to meet the most beautiful girl in the world and now am as happy as I have been in a while.

I know that is a bit of a stretch to all come from me listening to a song way back in 2013, but that is how my life has gone.
 I know 3 things to be a constant always.
    1. My God is Good, ALL THE TIME.
    2. My Dad is up in Heaven watching out for me.
    3. Bastille is the best way to keep me calm and is the reason I am where I am today.

If you have made it this far, I really appreciate you reading this blog. It has been overwhelming the amount of people who have read my posts and I thank you all so much.

I'm going to plug my GoFund me for my book again just because every little bit helps, It supports me to get a computer and continue writing and doing the stuff I love including going back to school (Hopefully this fall!!) but I do need a computer to take classes. The link for that is GoFund.Me/TinkBook . Even if you just look and read the description I would appreciate it. I am currently working on putting all of my hand-written pages onto a word document and HOPEFULLY will be posting a short excerpt from it soon!

Again thank you all so much and DFTBA

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Life Update

Oh Hey!... So it's been a while since my last post..

So much has changed both good and bad but I could not be happier at this point. Which is a complete 360 from where I was last year.

A quick breakdown though of the events of the past year.

In addition to still working for Starbucks I have also worked for a pizza place, Chilis as a server and I now work for a restaurant in downtown Indianapolis called Harry and Izzy's which if you haven't heard of it. It's the sister restaurant of St. Elmo's Steakhouse, the oldest steakhouse in the state of Indiana. It's a top restaurant in Indy and boy is it good stuff.

I have also had the wonderful oppurtunity to grow a relationship that makes me very happy. Her name is Molly and she is something special, (yes I am going to gush for a minute about how happy I am shush). Never before have I been in a situation where not only do I feel genuinely loved by someone, and that someone is not a family member. Today I can say in confidence that I have spent the last six months falling for a girl that I could never have imagined existed before last August. Although the start was a bit rocky and very confusing, every moment since has been full of ups and downs, tears of joy and of saddness, but one constant through it all has been Molly being by my side. These past six months have gone by in a heartbeat and yet feels like so much longer than that. I am so very excited for what the future holds for the both of us.

Now to the not so good stuff.

This past January, I lost someone very important to me and so many people not just my family. My Aunt, Michele Tyler, passed away suddenly after a short hospital stay. Words cannot describe how incredible my aunt was and how she touched so many lives in her many years of teaching. She was such an influence for me and my siblings and she is the reason why I am as far as I am with my book (I will get to that in a minute). That night was one especially tough on me, as soon as I heard how serious the situation was I left work and drove up from Indy to Chicago to be with my family, I try not to remember much from that night. I do remember that I was on the phone with Molly the entire 3-plus hour drive from Indianapolis to the hospital near downtown Chicago.

Many times in my life have I questioned God's decisions to take away ones we love so young in their lives. I did with a friend in 3rd grade, I did with my dad not long after. The answer always comes within the week at the services and how many people come to celebrate their lives. Jordan although he was only 9 when he passed, had people from our entire community come to pay their respects. I can say personally that I try to use him as an example on how to live even to this day. My dad passed away after a battle with cancer and shortly after he passed at his wake, there was a line out the door for the entire time of the showing. So many people had met my dad and the whole day was just so overwhelming to see how many people came. My aunt though probably takes the cake (no offense Dad), so many of her students from over the years showed up, and I found out that this past May the school corporation now has an award in her name, which is incredible and a showing of how influrential she was. After stuff like that, you understand some extent of God's plan for taking them home. That does not however lessen the initial hurt of losing them.

So that in a nutshell is kind of what's gone on in the last year or so. I will try and start posting on a regular basis again because I really miss writing these posts.

OH and I did mention my book. I should probably talk about that for a minute. ........

Well I have been writing a book since this past November and I have really tried to balance writing and work and everything else going on. A basic synopsis of the book as it is right now would be: An introspective look at life and a retrospective look at death and the idea of how ones final day goes. you know that whole "Life flashing before their eyes" kind of deal, Which is why (at least so far) I am naming the project "Before My Eyes".

I also have a GoFundMe for anyone who would like to help me fund the project and such. The Link would be GoFund.Me/TinkBook I have a bigger description of what the book is and everything on there.

Alright guys I will have an update later on this week for a normal post!


Monday, July 6, 2015

Interstellar... And other stuff...

This year I had one of the most interesting experiences of my life: I spent a good five minutes on Christmas Day, sitting on a bench in a movie theatre with my head in my hands thinking about the day that I will die. (Sorry, WARNING THIS IS KINDA REALLY SAD AND DEPRESSING). But in all seriousness, the pit in my stomach while sitting on that bench was so painful. The idea of one day I will take a final breath on this earth, and in a bodily, earthly form cease to exist is an incredible idea. People spend their entire lives ignoring that thought and moving day to day life whirring by, and here I am, a twenty year old mess of a human being who had to take a break from the only good Matthew McConaughey movie I think I have ever seen (for the record not a fan of his looooong syllables) to relax his mind of the thought of not existing.

When you think about it, it really doesn't seem like it should be all that of an outlandish thought. Known history, obviously dependant on whether you believe God created the earth a few thousand years ago, or you believe that the earth is millions of years old and has evolved from a desolate empty planet to the beautiful world we are in, well it is much bigger than our own life spans. I have been on this earth for 20 years. Twenty very short years as compared to the entire timeline of this universe in which we live in. For the history of the written world, the earth has been here for at least 300 times the amount of time I have been here. So the thought of me, as a person not existing for a time is not that outlandish whatsoever. 

I wouldn't be the first person to say that I am scared of dying, I am scared of not existing on this Earth. I do believe in Heaven and I do believe that being there for the rest of eternity is the absolute culmination of happiness. I am also going on faith. Faith can be tricky, in basic non religion terms, faith can mean basically anything. I can have 'faith' that the Blackhawks will win another Stanley Cup in my lifetime (re-reading this on July 6th #ICANPREDICTTHEFUTURE). There are the Cub 'faithful', that are fanatics of the Chicago Cubs. Something can be promised in 'good faith' and someone could be breaking 'faith' by not showing up for a promised event. There are seven dictionary definitions of the word Faith, as according to Most if not all of those definitions revolve around the ideal of trust. In layman's terms, Faith is Trust. 

This all reminds me of my bible class from the private school I went to when I was younger. Particularly a class in which our teacher, Mr. Brink explained how important faith and trust is, in life and in christianity (and by extension, all of faith-based religions of the world). He started off by explaining how our senses and bodies are very much trust based as well. You trust that your eyes and transmitting the correct electrical pulses to your brain of what you are seeing. You trust that there isn't something being missed, such as a light pole directly in front of you. If you hit that pole, you would expect your feeling of touch to tell the rest of your body that you hit something and that you could be hurt. Same thing with your other senses. However there are times where our senses can 'mess with us'. I am sure that anyone can relate with hearing or seeing something that isn't there, your hand or foot being numb or not being able to smell something. We trust our senses, we trust our brain interpreting those senses. Our brains can create massively complex worlds and scenarios through pure creativity both conscious and subconscious through dreams. Even though dreams may feel real, we trust that when we wake up, our senses return to our own physical conscious world and we trust that, that is the true world we live in and not that of the dream subconscious. 

Of course from then on are the endless complexities of the brain and so on. The point is, we trust our bodies. We trust our senses. And because of our belief and trust in the endless complexities of these, it is not at all impossible to have faith and trust in a God that created all of that, and then on, Heaven. 

So to return to the beginning, while I was sitting there on a break from Interstellar, while all of these thoughts were racing through my mind significantly faster than any of McConaughey's lines (seriously though... I do not like him) , I realized that I probably was not alone, I am not the first or only human being to have these thoughts by a ridiculous amount. So take solace in that fact. 

And because I mentioned it, my thoughts from Interstellar... 

Jonathan and Christopher Nolan are seriously one of the best writing/direction duos in my opinion (FRIENDLY REMINDER: this is my blog this is all my thoughts and opinions). And a requirement of their movies is a lot of thinking.... a lot.

Matthew McConaughey... well... He is the Christina Aguilera of Hollywood Actors, making his lines last longer than anyone else. Which is probably why Interstellar was about 30-45 mins longer than I thought it would be.

Other than the pathetic existential crisis it caused me to have on Christmas (thanks Nolan bros...), it was definitely one of the best movies I have seen. The complexity of the storyline is incredible, along with the cinematic prowess of Christopher, it makes for a long but overall attention getting movie.

Also TARS and CASE were the best characters in the movie.. hands down..

ANYWAY. Now that this post has literally gone in every which way it possibly could have gone, and that it is 4:38am and my computer has 7% battery, definitely going to wait and proofread this (delete that last thought after proofread) I am going to leave this here for whoever would like to read it.

All the above is the thoughts of a 20 year old college student that does not know everything, or even a fraction of the knowledge of the world, Don't take it 100% seriously..

So Today is July 6th and I wrote that on January 3rd, I was honestly too scared to go back and read this because I never know what my mind does with that little sleep.

Thanks and DFTBA.